rediscoverywomen

I have gotten a lot of “beating” lately over my definition of sexual confidence and views on sexual desire which are on most part very counter-cultural in the West where sexuality is still very much a “lower” or “primitive” state, and a dangerous and potentially destructive “drive” that drags down men and women to act, often against their better judgement, and which could be redeemed by intellectual rationality. And where most people still keep sexual desires and their expression under the lock and key of a strict series of technical calculations susceptible to the same kinds of rule-like mathematical formulae as the rest of rational thought.

I have no quarrel with that, we live in an era of personal choice and each to their own way.

The reason, I keep writing and speaking about this narrow-minded way of looking at sexual confidence and sexual desire is because everyday I meet men and women, and receive so many emails from men and women, young and old, struggling with the tension between the expression of their contradictory sexual beingness and the constraints of the social world they live in. One of the manifestations of this tension is the inability to express their sexual beingness in a way that is healthy, revitalizing, and deeply fascinating.

See when many men and women hear the word “sexual” they immediately think “the act of sex”. That’s the way most people have been taught and all they know about anything sexual – a tingling in the groins that if you allow yourself to feel (and enjoy) you’ll lose your rational mind and when you die, you’ll go to hell and burn in a big fire. That’s the puritan version.

The more liberal version is that the “sexual” is a freak show, where your freaky side comes out to express itself and you can do anything and bonk anyone because it’s oh-so freaky this sexual thing! This is a very immature and adolescent way of looking at sexuality – and sex.

Again like I say, we live in an era of personal choice and each to their own way.

Here is the thing. Much has been written in recent years about sexual confidence and developing “I can do it” attitude, and there have also been many “success” programs geared towards the “technique” aspect of sex. These books and programs are effective as far as they go. They are good for people who see no connection between their sexual power, a fulfilling sexual life and the realization of the self. For people seeking more than just a mechanical groin – action, these books and programs often create an imbalance, or add to an already existing imbalance.

Developing sexual confidence is actually a very simple process. So simple in fact, that you might wonder why we seem to have such a difficult time with it.

Having sexual confidence has little to do with how big a sexual tool you have (ever heard of the saying: It’s not the size of the dog – it’s the size of the fight in the dog!), how well you can belly dance or twist yourself around a pole, how much skin you can expose or even how many mind blowing orgasms you can have. Having sexual confidence has everything to do with a deep sense of self-knowingness and ability to express your own unique, specialized, individualized way of being sexual. It is an understanding, appreciation and ability to constructively negotiate your human sexuality (personal values, sensations, thoughts, emotions, the inner workings of the body, how you feel about yourself as well as your sexual behaviour, who you are attracted to, and how you choose to express, channel, and focus your innate and raw sexual energy) in ways that bring you a harmonious balance, health, joy, inner peace and wholeness.

Walking around with your head full of clever techniques, pick-up lines and conversation starters, when your sexual energy ( and innermost desires) is all drawn down and frozen in your stiffened groins is not just the most sexually unattractive thing to look at, but the most self-destructive thing you can ever do to your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.

And don’t get me started on those technical calculations – touch the ear and keeping rubbing for four minutes; kiss the neck for two minutes; next run fingers in the small of the back for another two minutes; … good, move to the left and start stroking thighs; lift leg exactly 90 degrees; count up to fourteen; now, turn her on her back and get down to business —that kind of cold mechanical nonsense that gives the impression that sex is a mathematical equation and we are scheming human calculators with no real human desires.

Sexual desire is not an evil or freak show waiting to happen. We’re created sexual. It’s not something we say or do, it’s WHO WE ARE. It’s a part of every man and woman. It is an intimate and integral part of being human, and it’s woven into the structures of our families and communities. It is embedded in the way we live on the land. It underlies and is embodied in our practices of working and earning and sharing and loving. The sexual desires you feel in the core of your human beingness is love trying to happen. To liberate that desire is to come into the perfect love that casts out fear – the love of who you are in relation to all of nature.

The problem is that most of us fear becoming someone we do not as yet know. It’s not how powerless we will become that we fear. It’s how powerful we already are that frightens us.

Consider for a moment what your life would be like if you finally discovered the fullness that arises when you live every moment with love, compassion and joy. What would it be like to live in the fullness of your sexual power, wisdom and consciousness? What if you could command attention, affection and respect without asking for it? Stop intellectualizing the way you feel and be more spontaneous in your emotional manifestations and actions? What would it be like to be able to easily tell when a member of the opposite sex is interested into you? How would you feel if you could look at yourself differently when you’re attracted to someone else because you know that there is a good part of you inside which you unlimitedly and unconditionally offer to the other? What would it be like to be more comfortable doing things in and outside the bedroom that increase sexual pleasure? Feel sharing sexual fantasies and communicating what you like and don’t like? What would it be like to be overflowing with heightened passion, vitality and sexual confidence? No doubt, your life would be awesome!

Simply daydreaming doesn’t change anything. Take action to make it happen! Let fear have no part in it. Who knows, before long you’ll be living out the fullness of your life both in and out of the bedroom!

Many women suffer from lack of sexual desire or are dissatisfied with sex and here we are going to look at how to increase sexual desire and how to relax and enjoy more satisfying orgasms…

Common causes for lack of sexual desire include the following:

Low estrogen levels, which if low cause libido to fall and can make intercourse painful.

Low testosterone levels. Not just needed by men, it’s critical for women too.

Low levels of nitric oxide. For strong libido and a satisfying orgasm, the sex organs must be flooded with sufficient blood and nitric oxide regulates blood flow into the genitals. It’s vital you secrete enough of it.

Before blood enters the sex organs, you need to have enough of it pumped to the area in the first place. As soon as you think of sex, the heart beats faster and starts to pump blood. Sluggish blood circulation kills sex drive and can cause numerous health problems.

To enjoy sex and achieve a satisfying orgasm, your mind and spirit need to be lifted. If you suffer stress, anxiety, or tiredness, then this will manifest itself in unsatisfying sex. To achieve a mind that is happy and free to enjoy sex, it must be free of worry, receive well oxygenated blood and have correct hormonal balance.

Let’s look at some herbs to heal the body and lift the spirit for increase libido and satisfaction from sex.

Choraka (Dong Quai)

Dong Quai is one of the best herbs women can take for general health and restores balance to a woman’s hormones and cycles. It is frequently taken to combat PMS such as vaginal dryness and hot flushes. It works to balance estrogen levels in the body and also acts as a blood purifier and circulation tonic, improving blood flow to all areas of the body.

Avena Sativa

Avena Sativa helps the body and mind relax by fighting stress and anxiety and at the same time, enhances sensitivity in the vagina.

Satavri Extract

Shatavri strengthens muscle tone, moistens dry tissue of the sexual organs and increases overall body strength. Shatavri also helps to increase levels of testosterone.

Ashwagandha – Extract “Indian Ginseng”

Ashwagandha is a tonic herb which gives the body an energy boost, rejuvenating the whole body. It helps minimize the effects of stress, lifts the spirit, naturally heals the sex organs and promotes sexual and reproductive balance.

Ginseng Eleuthero

Ginseng helps to promote overall wellbeing, vitality, performance and sexual arousal. It has an important affect on the brain in the hypothalamic-pituitary axis, which secretes adrenal corticotropic hormone (ACTH). The affect of this is to reduce stress and enhance mood. It also helps to circulate blood around the body and help in both nitric oxide and testosterone production.

Damiana

Damiana is one of the best herbs to lift your mood and relax your body and produces a feeling of relaxation and mind euphoria. The herb helps to relive stress, headaches during menstruation, exhaustion and anxiety and will put you in the mood for sex. Damiana also helps to balance hormone levels and control hot flushes.

Get them All

The above are just some of the herbs that can be found in the best herbal libido enhancers take them and you will not only get more out of sex but more out of life as well.

The internet cafe business is relatively new and can be traced back to about 14 years following the launch of the internet. Initially, people used to queue up outside internet cafes to surf the net. However, diminishing broadband charges have lead to people preferring to access the internet from home. The real challenge of a cyber cafe these days is to keep the customer hooked enough to keep coming back for more. How to accomplish this is the main question.

Business Models If you’re pondering over how to start an internet cafe, the most crucial decision you have to make is which business model to adopt. There are numerous choices. The first one is the most conservative model wherein you provide only internet access. Another option is to serve tea, coffee and snacks along with internet connectivity. You could also add computer repairs and maintenance services and even sell computers and computer parts. Many people buy franchises of prevailing internet cafe businesses. When you buy a franchise you get the advantage of a time-tested business model and the know-how behind it, but you’ll have to pay for that edge.

Planning Before starting a cyber cafe, always chalk up a solid business plan. A good business plan should lay down your business goals, ways to achieve them, the obstacles that you may encounter, how to surpass them and financial planning and analysis. If at all possible, talk to at least three different cafe owners about what you plan to do. Try to contact cafe owners from out of town, so there won’t be any competition conflicts, and, if possible, show these experienced owners your business plan. The advice they give could save you thousands of dollars, so don’t hesitate to offer them a really nice dinner or lunch for their time.

Start Up Costs Finance is the driving force in any kind of business. So make sure that you acquire adequate funding before starting your business. How much is enough? It depends on your business model and the services you intend to offer. If you’re planning to provide exclusive services like gaming, social interaction or a remote office, your capital requirement can run into thousands of dollars. There are computers to purchase, broadband connections to book, furniture to be bought and a place to be leased or acquired outright. Include these things in your budget. Also conduct an analysis of monthly expenses, projected future incomes and profits. You can raise finance through private investors, banks and financial institutions that specialize in granting small business loans.

Changing Trends The success of a cyber cafe depends on how you keep up with the latest cutting edge technologies. Trends keep changing and technology keeps improving. Webcams, video conferencing and innovations like VOIP were unheard of before but are widely used these days. So the survival and prosperity of an internet cafe depends on how well you adapt to the changing trends in computers and related technologies.

Advertising Advertise as much as possible to draw attention to your cafe. Distribute your business cards whenever you get the opportunity. You can also sell memberships in terms of internet hours. Put in an ad in your local newspaper and on community websites. Get a listing in the yellow pages.

Last but not the least; apply for a business license to run any cafe. Evaluate all the risks, conduct your market research and adapt to changing technological trends. If you’re serving food, this will mean in inspection by the health department. Health department inspectors regularly refuse licenses until major repairs or improvements are completed. Your business plan needs to be ready for an unexpected $5,000 expense.

Turning passions into money is the only way to create a business or career, one that you will never tire of and one where you will look forward to coming to work everyday.

Passion is the birthplace of the best ideas, when you have passion for something you are motivated to make it work, you get out of bed every morning ready and willing to do what it takes to achieve your goals and you talk enthusiastically about your business to everyone you meet.

Now that’s marketing!

Turning a passion into a business can be a lot easier than trying to turn a good idea into a business, no matter how good the idea, if you are not ‘turned on’ by it, you will find it so much more difficult to succeed.

Take a little business owned by Julie and Lea for instance. Situated in the busy tourist strip of Noosa Junction in Queensland, Australia it is run by two inspiring ladies who did not start out to own a jewelry business at all. Julie Carrington is one of the area’s top hairstylists and Lea Sanson owns her own Kahuna massage center and is bluesy singer of rare quality.

How do you turn a passion for unique, handcrafted jewelry into a successful business? Easy, first travel the world and it’s markets and fairs and get so passionate about what you find that you go on a buying bender. Come home and realize all your friends want to buy your new jewelry from you, set up a tiny gallery within your already successful Kahuna massage center and the rest is history.

Julie and Lea had no idea that when they came back from their trip that they would end up with a thriving business selling unique designer jewelry from all over the world, but now their passion is so successful they have created a website and now showcase some of the world’s most creative jewelry designers.

At The Jewelry Gallery in Noosa Junction the girls’ source handcrafted designer jewelry which they refer to as ‘Wearable Art,’ featuring designers from Mexico, Tibet and Nepal, Italy and their home country of Australia. “By wearing a piece of jewelry, a women becomes conscious of her natural beauty, arouses her confidence and embodies sensual femininity.”

The girls have also embodied another important principle of business leadership, they have an uncompromising commitment to sourcing only quality and heft of design that signifies the designers creative flair and quality of workmanship.

The really important thing about setting up a business is to do something you love and turn it into something you make money doing. That way you never get tired or bored with your job or career and success comes easily.